Where them girls at? (a continuation of GDG Forum)

Disclaimer:I am just going to write down what I know from my experiences and observations. I can't say for sure that it is the same every where else.

The education system in my country (in the 80s-90s) were designed to sort out kids early on into different paths that the adults thinks best suits the needs of the country, future demands (of the personal kind and the capitalist kind) and what the kids likes to do. Starting at Primary School, you'll go into various types of Secondary Schools (Berasrama Penuh, Harian, High Performing, etc), then you're further divided into Science or Social Science streams. Those who go into Science streams will end up becoming Technical Workers (Doctors, Scientists, Engineers, Accountants), while the Social Science will do Managerial, Literature, Arts.
It is something like a coin sorter or a similar version of the Magical Sorting Hat if I may say so.

The pave way towards our future careers are quite obvious and well designed (or maybe a more accurate word to describe it - carefully controlled) if the kids went to Science based school for their SPM level. Like me, at the time, I can only see TWO obvious choices for my future : to become an Engineer or a Doctor. Maybe I refuse to see other opportunities.

When I entered University (a 100% Engineering based university), the rate of boys-girls are almost equal, and probably more. I do notice that in lecture halls, 2/3 of the seats are filled with girls. I guess girls are given equal opportunity and freedom to choose engineering for their course. There weren't any tools of special kinds of gadgets designed to attract girls to pursue engineering. It is just based purely on the love of science; mainly physics, chemistry and maths. Ikhlas tak? lol.

So if 2/3 of the graduating Engineering class of the year were girls, then where are they now?

I do keep in touch with some of my friends once in a while and here's what I can gather:

1. They took Voluntary/Mandatory Separation scheme (or something similar)
If you happen to be an engineer in a private company, you'd know that business depends much on the world economy and the direction of the company is heading to. A lot of companies shrinks their workforce during recession or some went into a merger and have a surplus of manpower. So they give options to some people to leave (but not without ka-ching $$$). Some people took it, thinking it might help to launch their own business that they've dreamed of.

2. The business that they've dreamed of all their life.
Have you ever had that dream of running your own business, and raking it big money and feeling happy doing that day-in and day-out? That small cafe by the corner. The cake shop. The embroidery shop. Anything. Some of my friends decided to pursue their dreams of running a business. Bye Engineering.

3. Engineering job is too demanding
Again, this depends on the nature of the business. Oil and Gas engineers, some needs to go offshore for 2 weeks. Living in a male-dominated environment is challenging. Living away from your children for that long is even more so. Some R&D based engineering are so time constraint that they can't afford to have too many design issues. Which is totally unrealistic because there's bound to be issues. Solving each and every issue takes time. And time = money lost. To compensate for that, engineers need to work overtime to find a solution. Which again, takes them away from home and their family.

4. I rather do non-technical jobs
That pays me money at the end of the month AND give me a job that only requires me to be in the office between 9-5 and let me be with my family.

5. No passion for engineering work
You probably can teach a monkey to swim, but you can't make turn it into a fish. Sometimes when you go down the rabbit hole, you lose track of yourself. And when you realise that going down this road is tiring and every weekday you wake up with a dreadful thought in mind of the horrible things you will be facing at work. One day, you'll wake up and say to yourself that you have had enough of this. The next thing you know, you're typing out a resignation letter.

6. They followed their passion
Maybe they studied engineering because their parents wanted them to. But what they really, really like to do was singing or travelling or run an NGO. Anything but Engineering.

So, there's 6 reasons why I think some women leave engineering. I think the most important thing to highlight here is at this age, most of us will put family first before our career. And if the demands of the family is higher than that of work, normally the woman will make the necessary sacrifice and stay at home. I guess that just the culture here. I noticed a FB post that went viral about holding up to this semi-classical (mid 60-70s) idea about single income household where the dad is the breadwinner and mum stay at home. And the comments that it garnered were in the hundreds, shocking? When I went through the comments to get some POVs, all I can see was people tagging their spouses in the comment section and that's it, no elaboration or thoughts. I was quite disappointed about this one because no one discussed it. they all just wanted to stay at home, let the husband work and wait for God to provide them with provisions. Lepas tu bila tv3 keluarkan jadual kira2, nafkah isteri RM100 sebulan, ko meroyan. I think that was the wrong way to look at it.

The concept of women staying at home was quite popular in the era that I mentioned earlier. However prior to that, women still went out to do work alongside with men. They'd do field work, they went into the jungle to pick herbs and food, they do needle work, they do trading. Maybe aristocratic women are the ones who stayed at home. 

A Summary of What Happened Today

I was awaken from my sleep surprisingly early this morning, considering I slept at 1am last night trying to finish up my slides to this competition I 'created' for this event at work tomorrow. Anyways the reason I woke up was I had cramps. And then and there I knew it wasn't going to be an easy day, despite the day being what it is. The 29th of Sept.

Didn't have breakfast at home, but grabbed a packet of paracetamol to work. Traffic was bearable with the radio off. Parking lot at 8.30am was like any other parking lot at KL in 5am in the morning, empty.

Had breakfast alone, since the cafeteria was also empty. Ate a piece of paracetamol, only to realise moments later after I had swalloed it, the pill was date 7 years ago. Does paracetamol expire? I asked this to one of my Whatsapp group. -Dua bijik je. takpe. tapi 7 tahun memang lama.

Went up to my cube and started fussing about the preparation for my 1030am meeting. I need to find one more person for my competition. Went up and down the building looking for suitable 'candidates'. Finally found one in the nick of time.

The meeting at 1030 was supposed to be for 9 people, but only 4 turned up (including myself). Oh well, meeting must go on. Went back and emailed the information to the rest of the group. then helped a colleague figure out how to Save a generated signal on the signal generator. Printed some scoresheets and stuff. Booked meeting rooms.

A pang of hunger hits me at 1pm. Went down to the cafeteria for lunch. Was stopped halfway by another colleague asking about tomorrow's stuff. And another person. When everything was over, I went to the food counter but there wasn't much food choice left, except for some spinach and fish with bones. But whatever. can't find anyone to sit with. So it's just me and my own thoughts. But whatever... this isn't highschool.

After lunch, I bumped into another colleague who invited me to this Google Developer event next, next Saturday. I wasn't sure of going at first, but after he told me google gives a some 'swag's to the attendees, I'm suddenly all in. I know he wants to tumpang my car only. But, like I said, whatever. At least I get to go to Google's event. Win-win.

Went back upstairs to get a box of pencils. Then went back downstairs for another meeting. Enough exercise for the day.

Ini bukan "summary" dah ni. ini sebuah penceritaan... A lot more happened, but I don't want to type anymore.

Server Down Day

When I got into the office this morning, it was Day #2 of the Server being down. Since all my work was done remotely on another machine using this server, this means no work could be done until it is fixed.

What I did in Day #1 of Server Down Day:

1. Was briefed by the team lead that server was down since Saturday (I knew this because I secretly was trying to do some work on Saturday but to no avail, didn't bothered to inform anyone thinking it will be fixed by Monday).
2. Studied and made some Microelectronics notes.
3. Went to the gym at lunchtime. Got in at least 30 mins of work out. Did I told you I won a health bracelet? Next post probably.
4. Studied more Microelectronics
5. Chatting with colleagues about the economy and investments (nobody could do any work anyway)
6. Went home at 5pm, used to long route home.

Day #2 of Server Down Day:

1. Breakfast at my usual mamak place after fuelling up the car. Only to find out the price of soft boiled egg and tosai has increased by 20sen, respectively. That's 40 sen total increase. Welcome to the new Malaysia. GST nanti naik lagi.
2. Group meeting and talk some more about work stuff
3. Checked FB, bank account & paycheck ;t wice to make sure if pay has come in, Not yet :(
4. Lunch with girlfriends. Feeling Christmassy, had the RM12 lamb stew.
5. Studied Microelectronics for a bit
6. Checked movie listing and left work at 4pm.
7. Manisnya Cinta Di Cappadocia (I like this movie. I actually hv a girl crush on Fazura, yeah judge me, whatever)>

I hear that while the Tech Support was trying to fix the server earlier today, it crashed again (crashed while crashing?). Probably tomorrow is Day #3 of Server Down Day. I have a hazy plan of what I will do tomorrow...

1. Morning, run some personal errands.
2. Noon, gym.
3. Afternoon, study Microelectronics
4. Evening; coffee and cake
5. Night, check out the Apple store.

Return to Square One

I have found time to update the blog! Hooray!
I've been busy for the past month doing important things like:
- advancing myself through the 321 levels of Candy Crush (very important!)
- had some 'strategic discussion' with regards to (wrt) the outcome of my viva with my supervisor, which I think at this point of time did not give anything positive outcome since she hasn't updated me with any news (no news is good news?)
- tidying up the apartment, did some packing and stuff
- moved up north
It was all tiring as I did this all by myself and it reminded me that I am old because I used to do all thes things when I was in Uni and after everything I still had a lot of energy to go by.

Oh, and did I mentioned that I've also started my new job. Or maybe the right thing to say is, started my OLD job. Well... sort of..

I am back working with my old company, but I returned to work much like a pheonix that has risen up from the ashes. chewah. no lar. I have changed my job scope (although still doing engineering stuff, but more on Innovating, which I love), changed cubicle, changed work building, and changed lunch mates (because of slight difference of geographic location).

I feel like I have pressed a reset button. Everything is new but at the same time, it is old, but in a good way like how it still feels familiar.

It is good to be back and good to see familiar faces, again. Even better, to have highly enthusiastic group of people welcoming me back, I felt pretty much at home. I felt I belonged. I hope this feeling will last for the rest of my days, months, years that I'll be staying with the company.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Thought Processing

To be truthful, I have turned down a job offer a couple of months back. There is a formal reason I gave, but the real reason was much more sillier, I don't want to work in the same workspace that will create an awkward situation. I know people who works there (Silicon Valley is small) and there's this one person there that creates that awkward vibe that I can't stand enduring it again.

So what's the difference with this job? More ppl that I know works here, maybe there'll be a lot of explanations that needs to be done. I can't create a new persona. Making new friends wouldn't be so awkward, maybe.

Ok, I think I will accept this job. Becaus I did ask Allah SWT to make this easy for me if it was right for me and my deen and I asked Him to take it away from me if this is wrong for me and my deen. And it has been easy, maybe just too easy. Like I've mentioned before, I wouldn't hire myself if I was the manager, I was told there were a few more candidates they were considering besides me, I also made a stupid statement killing my chances by saying "Do you think my limited 5 years of experience is suitable for the job?" and I wasn't really expecting I would get it.

But did I got it, with a good offer too. It was just too easy. Maybe my prayers have been answered. Alhamdulillah.
Maybe it is right for everything. InsyaAllah.

Maybe I am reluctant because I am just too comfortable being in this moment of having a lot of time for myself. But if I keep being in this way, I would still feel unfulfilled, pointless and in search of an unknown passion. All the time for myself for four months and still can't find my passion. Maybe I just have to stop and get on with life.

This is just my thought process.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

decisions, decisions

I have been looking for a job for almost four (4) months now.
Well, to be honest, I wasn't really ACTIVELY looking for a job, it's more or less like pressing a button saying "Apply For Position" through J0bstreet once a week without much effort and just passing a simple 2 paged resume to friends without any high hopes. Semi-passive more like it.

I wasn't bothered much being a bum, because I enjoy the free time and freedom that I have, except for the fact that my funds in the banks are running low and I've considered, a few times, to dig into the back-up funds.

There were times when I feel down, when I received emails saying I'm not qualified or suitable for the job. That feeling only last for a few hours on a few days. Then I forget about it and continue on with my life. Then there's the time when random people asks we what do I do? questions about The Future always bothers me.

Some of my friends asks me why don't I return back to my old job?
"Oh ,Hell No!"I told them.
Why would I go back to the same place I came from? Why would go back to square one? Where is the excitement in being in a familiar place?
I carefully did not choose to send any job application to my old company.
Until one day...

I saw a job advert by a Hiring Services Company that seems like a good match.
They called me and told me it was for my od company.
I didn't want to go for the interview at first, but then, I thought "Why not? I have nothing better to do anyway.... this will only be a practice interview".

So just like that I changed my mind and went for the interview, which by the way was attended by THREE senior engineers who had a very good reputation and a long list of technical patents under their names. The interview was highly technical but very much concentrated around my postgrad work. talking gibberish and creating my own formulae and physics rule. If I was interviewing myself, I wouldn't hire me.

I did not know what sort of vibe I was sending, but apparently they liked me.
So tomorrow, I will need to give them an answer.
And I am not so sure about this.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Transition

Postgrad journey is seldom a straight road.

Doing postgrad research is a journey. I started with high motivation, hopes and confidence that I could finish within 2 years, publish papers into a few journals and change the world (somehow).

All of that did not happened.

Instead my study dragged for an extra 6 months, I lost hope many times and I am not sure if I ever found them or just conjure new hopes, I have not managed to publish any papers into any journals yet and the world is still the same or maybe have gone worse that it did before.

But in any case I am determined to finish what I've started. This is not the first time I've faced failure or hardship. I am not the first postgrad to feel so miserable, worthless and penniless, in fact most of the stories I've heard about people doing their postgrad are like epic battle stories and the student is the underdog.

I am nearly at the end of my journey here. I've send all 4 examiners copies for binding and prepared my seminar slides and just waiting for the day to hand in those 4 thick syok-sendiri thesis that I wrote. There are two or three more hurdles to jump over; thesis viva and final correction. I can't do much about that except pray that it will go well.

As I am trying to get back into the industry, I try to make sense of this postgrad journey that I have embarked on 2.5 years ago. Where had all the shiny dreams and high hopes went? Is this just a 2.5 years break from the rat-race? I should make something out of this. It should be stepping stone onto something better. Something that is different from my past lives.

Astronaut Public Lecture

Last month on the end of October I had the chance to attend a Public Lecture given by two astronauts, Dr Daniel T. Barry, US NASA Astronaut and Dr Sheikh Muzaphar Shukor (Dr SMS), our own very own Angkasawan.

Well, most of us know Dr SMS story, so I'll skip that and bring you Dr Dan Barry's story, which I personally think is an inspiring one.

Dr Dan Barry wanted to be an astronaut since he was a young boy. Back at that time, everyone wanted to be an astronaut, it was the 'thing' to be because man just landed on the moon some time back and that was a really big thing at the time. As he grew up, he still holds to his ambition to become an astronaut, but people kept telling him he was not smart enough, not athletic enough, does not dress smart enough, or not good looking enough to be an astronaut. So he stopped telling everyone about his dreams and ambition because of these remarks.

He started sending his application to NASA for the astronaut post when he was 23 years old. After NASA rejects his application, he would send another the next year, and the following years... and NASA kept sending him rejection letters back. While waiting for the 'good news' he did what he thought would help him with the application. He did a degree in electrical engineering, then pursued a PhD in the subject, then went on to study for a medical degree and became a professor at a university. So, this guy had two "Dr" titles, one from his PhD and the other as a medical Doctor. Awesome right? But that didn't impressed NASA because they still did not accept his applications.

He finally got a break and got 'the call' from NASA after 15 years of waiting. And boy, was he really happy. Listen to his story from the link below that I recorded at the lecture. No one tells the story better than him himself.

Dr Barry's profile on Wikipedia [link].

I think the 'take away' from Dr Barry's story is this:

• Never give up on your dreams, even if it takes 10 or 20 years of waiting.
• While in the subject of 'waiting', don't just sit there and do nothing while waiting for things to happen. Do something useful. Like get a PhD or do a second degree in Medicine or something. (lulz, ha!)
• People will tell you that you can't do this and that. Don't take advice from people who don't believe in you and your dreams.
• Do the things that you love to do.

Additional item:

Lecture and motivational speech from Dr SMS.

Synching and BackUp plans

For mobile workers who happen to:

• stores important data on a USB stick thingy
• has many workstations (lab, library, computer lab, home office)
• has their work stored in more than one computer (laptop, desktop, computer lab, etc)
• is always on the go

Then please consider these two softwares.

1. SyncToy
   SyncToy helps a lot in terms of keeping my folders up to date. I mainly do my work on my desktop computer at home and before I go to the lab, I will transfer the work Folder into my USB thingy and access and update my documents from there. Before I go back home, I'll repeat this routine again.
   
   Install SyncToy to your computers and you will be able to sync datas in both your USB flash drive and the folder inside your computer by just the press of a button. I've set my SyncToy to sync whatever files that was just added, recently edited or updated on either folder so you don't have to transfer them manually or copy the whole folder again (which takes a long time to wait). There are a few sync options to choose from if you wish to do something different.
   
   
2. Dropbox
   I can be absent minded sometimes. I would sync my USB the night before and planned everything that I wanted to do in the lab the next day, and only to find that I've forgotten to put my USB drive in my backpack. Facepalm!
   Dropbox works like a virtual USB storage online.It gives users 2GB free and you can drop any files into your 'box' and access that file from another computer even if it's halfway around the world, but you must have internet connection. Now, whenever I'm done, I'll save my a copy of my latest work into my Dropbox as a safe measure.
   It's also useful as a back up for image files if you go travelling or just a back up for safe keeping. (you'll never know when you need it).
   
   
3. Or something else. SugarSync.
   This is similar to #2, but it gives 5GB free to users. I haven't tried this one yet.

Have a go and see if your productivity and efficiency improves. No harm done, they're all free.

8-9-10

8-9-10, that's today's date. Such a nice arrangement of numbers. All in perfect order.

Today marks the last day of me as an RF Engineer at a Worldwide Global Telecommunication Solutions Company.

"Say what?!"
Yes, I resigned.

"But I thought you loved your job...?"
Yes, I do love my job. I loved it very much. I think my job function is very exciting and at the same time challenging, which stimulates my mind. I learn new things everyday and I grew accustomed to my surroundings and everybody here knows me, from the big bosses HR, Technical, Management, Engineer peers to right down to the security guards, cleaning lady and cafeteria fellas. I know where everything is. I'm comfortable here.

"Then why do you want to leave? I don't understand..."
It's alright Young Padawan, you'll know when you're wise enough ;)
Suffice to say I have done a deep and extensive soul searching that arrived me to this decision. I just needed a change.

"Where are you going? Are they paying you more?"
I will be scouring the vast grounds of earth in search of greater knowledge. And for your last question, it's 'no'.

I am a mixture of many feelings today. I am happy that I'm going to embark on something totally new and hopefully exciting. I am also sad  at the same time that I'll be leaving this place that I have grown to love (and hate) in the past 5 years.

I am not going to miss the traffic jams at 8.30am and 6pm. I am not going to miss coming back from work late at night, I am not going to miss the red flag issues that requires many long working hours to solve it, I am not going to miss other people 'borrowing' my things and not returning them back, I am not going to miss being on 'stand-by' for build support in the middle of midnight, I am not going to miss the inefficiency of certain things.

BUT...
I am going to miss my friends, I am going to miss my team mates, I am going to miss my cube, I am going to miss my equipments, I am going to miss my bosses, I am going to miss the smiling guards who greets me every time I come and leave work, I am going to miss the long and pointless meetings, I am going to miss the long walk along the corridor to my office, I am going to miss coming to work at odd hours and have the office all to yourself, I am going to miss the super fast internet, I am going to miss the perks of traveling even though I have to support red flag issues, I am going to miss Birthday donuts and cakes, I am going to miss the cheap Yong Tau Fu, I am going to miss going to work in jeans and sneakers and that bright orange and green uniform, I am going to miss the free food from cafeteria, I am going to miss the my TETRA friends  :'(

CPH... Nyhavn

Going overseas always appeals to me. I like traveling. But business trips overseas are the worst kind of travel there is. You got sent away to a different land and made to work in a foreign office under a tight schedule and under a lot of scrutiny from all levels peers, managers and managers' managers.

This is my second week and after a week of progress, this time I think I've come up to a brick wall.

I can't think about it anymore. So let's show some pictures...

This is the view from my hotel room. I'm staying on the 18th floor. On a clear day I could see Sweden across the sea (I think). And on a clear night, you can still see some rays of sun from the horizon. Click on the pic to see a bigger size pic. This size just doesn't do justice to it.


A few minutes walk away from the hotel is a Metro (Underground train) station, where I took a train to Kongens Nytorv and headed towards Nyhavn (New Harbour). This is a very popular tourist place. Colourful building lined up both sides of the canal and in one of the building, Hans Christian Andersen used to lived.


Nyhavn is the spot to have lunch/dinner. Most of the houses are now restaurants, and crowds of people are everywhere.

Walking towards the end of Nyhavn, I could see at the other side of land is the Royal Opera House. That shiny metal building. It was built by a rich business man (Merck cargo owner) for the Royal Danish family. At the far left are buildings from the old navy base. And if your eyes are sharp to notice, you'll see wind turbines at the back. Wind turbines provides a portion of the electricity to the city and they're placed far, far away on the sea because the blades makes a loud noisy "WHoooSSHH!" sound.

Nyhavn at sunset.

CPH... Of working..

It's a very fine weather in Copenhagen. Even though the sun is shining brightly, the cool breeze that's blowing evens out the temperature making it mild and moderate.

My first day here have been a mixture of a couple of blunders. Here's what happened, first I left my handphone in the taxi that I too from the airport to the hotel and secondly, when going home from the workplace, I took the wrong bus and ended up 2 zones away from my intended destination. I won't put a lot of pressure on myself for those errors because I got my handphone back (although had to pay taxi fare for the second time) and as for the wrong route, I have accidentally found out the Pakistani area, where I can easily find halal food.

There are not many cars on the road compared to Penang or even London. People get from A to B by public transport or cycling. Getting around using public transportation is a bit of a puzzle at first, but as time progresses bits and pieces starts to fall into place and you'll get to see the a big and clear picture. To work, it's only a bus and a train ride, which only takes 20-30 mins. Even though it's suppose to be rush hour 8-9 am, the crowd are small and there's always a few empty seat, thanks to the frequent train timings.

The place I am temporarily working is surprisingly small, considering the number of 'big guns' located here. I think it's 1/4 the size of my local workplace. Furthermore, it's located very near to a mall, train station and a peaceful housing area.

The office itself is very organised, it just look like it came out from an IKEA catalogue. Even the office air smells like an IKEA showroom. The building energy management is energy efficient. The toilets have motion sensors and it will only turn on the lights when someone enters. Big windows to let the lights in. People rarely use elevators. All central soldering station smoke absorber are turned off after 5pm.

Working conditions are far way better than my own cubicle. Although the cubicle desk is just slightly longer, there's minimum clutter. They don't hog the equipments like we do and make our own space crowded. Parts and components are organised together in the same place, so there's no need to go to each cube and ask if they're keeping parts. No need to worry others nicking your tweezers or soldering iron because they're aplenty!

Engineers here during the summer dress casually to work. Shorts, t-shirts and flip flops. They come to work on time and leave home on time. They also enjoy their work. Freedom to have any many cappuccino from the vending machine, freedom to leave your tweezers and soldering iron without having to worry someone will nick it.

I feel that the working environment is very conducive and motivates for productivity without being like a slave driver. I wonder if these kind of changes implemented back home, would it make everything better? Would I love my job more, rather than being in a 'love-hate' relationship with my job?

All of the different working culture makes me think whether are what we are because of us being Asians? We work harder and we slave for our job because that's what our parents and their parents did. The paddy concept. You sow what you reap. If you fail to sow, your family won't get to eat for the rest of the season. You'll have to read Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers to understand this idea better.

Our culture also taught us to respect the elderly and people with higher authority. There's absolutely nothing wrong with this, in fact it is praised upon and requested by The Quran to respect the elderly. However, somehow it got twisted it a wicked way that we fear ones with authority and follow what the elderly told us to do without questions even if it is wrong. When we fear to ask questions, we fail to understand. And this is a great loss when we are trying to gain knowledge. What's worse, we might even fail to share it.

This post is getting heavier by the minute. You might say that I'm just awestruck by my new environment, yes I am. I'm writing down what I feel only maa...

Sambungan "Jinxed?"

I told you guys last week that I planned to send my broken hard disk to this recovery company to try retrieve the data. Up until this morning, my optimism was still high and believe it can be recovered. But came the quotation in the afternoon, I started to rethink my optimism.

Guess how much they quoted me?

Guess.

Guess again.

Nope. Guess again.

I'll help you. The cost is enough to buy a pretty good laptop.

RM3950. Friggin' 4 thousand ringgit!!!! And they couldn't guarantee that I'll get 100% of my hard disk content back. Depends on the extend of the damage, they said.

When the numbers finally sank down into my head, I've already gone into acceptance mode. Accepting the fact that I'll have to forget about all the contents in the hard disk once and for all. Everything wiped clean. I'm taking this as a sign.

I told my boss about it, and he said whether it's really crucial or not to get all the data back? Well, the company's gonna be paying it anyways (that is if upper management approved my request).

If you were me, would you save your company RM4k, or just go for it. Here's a list of things that's inside to make the decision easier (kot):

• All my engineering data that I've collected from the last 2 projects (that's 3 years worth of data). If not hard disk not saved, all proof for engineering decisions will be lost. Well, I can trace back to the emails sent, but it's a hassle. But will have missing pieces.
  
• All my engineering data from my current project. If hard disk not saved, I might have to redo measurements again or make a sad face whenever manager brings up questions about the numbers.
• All technical documents, reference documents that I've collected and compiled for the past 3 years will be gone. If not saved, I have to scourge the WWW to find them again.
• All technical documents that I've written (original copies), be it for the department's references and for technical conferences are gone. If not saved, still ok. I can download from the server.
• Proofs of payments, such as monthly car loan, bills paid through online gone. If not saved, if there will be a time if i get into trouble with bank or services, I have these to back me up saying "Hey, here I've paid, see?"
• Special folder containing my researchs and proposals. If not saved, I have to write it again (just 20 pages) and find back all the papers on WWW.
• ebooks on photography, motivation, self-improvements, toastmasters.
  
• My Pictures. There's a few folders I didn't backup, including family trip to Bukit Merah, Team Building, trip to KL, gathering with friends... if not saved, hmm... all gone foreverlah.

These are just the major ones, there's some more stuffs on it that I can't remember. Well, you get the gist of it.

Now paranoid and scared that everything on the computer has a mind of it's own and decided to wipe itself clean as an act of gaining independence, I have started to strategically organised a back up regime

1. Data on hard disk. Burn DVD. 2 copies. And another back up on external hard disk. (3 back ups!)
2. Blogger entries --> How to back-up blogger entries

I hope you all do the same too. I hope no one you will ever feel so regretful, frustrated, hopeless and depressed like me ever again T_T

Women Engineers

There was an Engineer's Week last month and earlier this month there was Women's Day (8 March). 50 years or so ago, these two things don't seem to fit each other. In the past, it is beyond imagination during that women are seen dabbling into the Engineering field where it was mainly dominated by men.

But now, thanks to the advent of technology and the feminism movement, Women and Engineering goes hand in hand together nowadays =)

I thank technology because it makes computer aided design and simulations possible. Therefore I can sit in an air-conditioned room doing simulations upon simulations without getting my hands greasy and grimy. I thank the feminist movement, our foremothers who fought for women's right and equality. Therefore I can get a good education and get a good job without worrying too much about gender bias. (i say 'too much' because it's still not 100% bias free).

However, it's still a man's world out there. For example, in my department, I think I can say that only 1/4 of the total engineers in the group are women. Does the same trends follow in other fields such as politics, law, business and management, big fancy restaurants and hotel kitchens? Where the girls at?

The Awesome but Confused Engineer

(readers discretion is advised)

When I was younger, I've always dreamed of becoming this Awesome engineer, working in an awesome place, providing awesome solutions to engineering problems, getting paid an awesome amount of money. In short, having an awesome job.

I think I am living the dream right now. (here comes the perasan part, bear with me or just skip).
I am an awesome engineer. Sometimes I don't see that and I don't give much deserved credit to myself. It's only after a long observation that I realised this. I am the only lady engineer in this ('kononnya') A-team driving a super big project that has a lot to prove for. It's a man's world out there, even the team's name is very macho. With me being there, it says a lot. Queue Destiny's Child Independent Woman. I pay my own bills, yeah yeah yeah. So I am an awesome lady engineer.

I work in an awesome place. It is one of the most hi-tech, highly competitive and innovative engineering companies in the world. Not some small 'cipalang' companies. I come to work without having to worry about seeing red on the punch card (none, because it's flexi). The road that I take to work is also very scenic. The seaside calms me. I have all the equipments that I need and have them next to me on my desk. I have free breakfast and tea break. I have the gym in the next room. I don't have to worry about what to wear everyday, it's always casual and uniformed. I have 'tolerable' colleagues.

I provide awesome solutions to engineering problems. I also solve problems even before they get to the customers. Work is very technical, but I like it very much. I learn new things everyday and it is very interesting and sometimes exciting. I like the fact that I am one of those people behind the tough, rugged and reliable telecommunication products that is being used around the world.

For all those things above, I get paid an awesome amount of money. Last year when the world braves the global economic downturn and most companies are affected by it, I still have my job, I still get paid 100% and I still get my bonus plus some other small incentives like free buffet lunch and dinners. Thank you Allah for the blessings and rezeki you gave me.

Can I live like this for the next 20 years?

In the past, I might moan and complain about my job, keep telling myself I want to look for other opportunities and finding a place where I would be more appreciated. I am honest to say that the road hasn't always been very smooth for me. There were times that I felt like crap - unappreciated and demotivated, overworked - putting in 14-16 hours a day for many days, and underpaid - doing work of 2-3 persons but paid only as 1 person. Basically I worked my ass off! (figuratively speaking of course. Mine is perfectly fine, thank you).

Somehow I'm still here, almost 5 years doing what I know, the best way I know how. And it's only this year that I think I have managed to nailed it. All those hard work, time and effort being put in, finally being acknowledged. Due time or too late? And lately I think I am also doing part time therapist for the team. Men and their egos. Tell me about it.

Sometimes I wonder is this how an outstanding person supposed to feel all the time, like crap?

Can I live like this for another 20 years?

I am at this moment, is in a very difficult position, to make a decision career-wise. Call it what you want. At the fork of the road. In the middle of the crossroad. In limbo. I am not sure what kind of entry this is? Is it "I love my job" entry? Or "I hate my job" entry? Heck, I'm not even sure I've placed those 'commas' at the right places in this post.

Dory: Just keep swimming

Motivation is a powerful thing. It gives you purpose to keep on going although sometimes the journey seems daunting. (hey, that rhymes!)

What makes you get up in the morning, get ready and come to work?

I hear money (money gets the most votes), colleagues, family, cubicle mate (?), learning new things, knowing that you are making a difference and appreciation from the boss.
- I answered Birthday donuts and cakes that we get every month. I hate to see that go and if they take that away from me, I don't know what to do...

But seriously for me, at this moment of time, having a clear goal and knowing what to do to achieve that goal is one of the factors that drives me. As an employee, I need a clear direction from my supervisor but quite often when multitasking falls onto the plate, multiple objectives makes me feel overwhelmed and that's where the frustration starts to set in because this creates imbalance in my life. This is where a program manager needs to insert his/her skills of immaculate planning to help to guide and give a sense of direction. But these are only short terms feel-good feelings.

To quote Heraclitus and Isaac Asimov;

"The only constant is change."

Change covers everything including your motivation factors. Have you ever managed to seize a quiet moment with yourself and re-analyse your strategies and goals from time to time? No? I suggest you should. And you will realise that your goals change as you grow and learn more about yourself and your capabilities. And with that, your strategies and motivational factors also change accordingly.

When I look back a couple of years ago when I first started working here, the motivation were:
- the excitement of being in a new workplace
- the learning curve; new things you learn

and my de-motivation factors were:
- the awkwardness of being in a new work place.
- not knowing the purpose of why we do all this.

After a year, when I get to know the company and the people running the this place better, I learnt that these products that my team and I designed, really did make a significant difference in the world. When natural disaster strikes, there's a great need for a secured communications line (few drop calls, long battery life, etc), as you see the rescue forces prefer our products rather than others because of it's reliability and the number of lives saved because quick action was taken, then you get this sense of pride in your work. Imagine not having any communication system in times of havoc, it's a complete disaster. The de-motivation factor is work overloading and no clear direction from the management.

As the self satisfactory fades with time, because you keep making new things every year and you feel like the amount of world-shifting-products moves only in nanometers instead of giant leaps. All now feels too routine-like and chasing project goals only to increase market shares. I lost the sense of the greater purpose of being.

So perhaps it's time to find a new motivation factor.

As said, motivation is what keeps you going. Sometimes, a certain kind of incentives works for everyone in the group, for example, after long months of hard work, everybody is given a sum of monetary incentives and some days off. All the same.

But for some cases, not everyone shares the same motivation source. Like vehicles, some run on diesel, some on RON95 and some simply runs on disposable waste with the help of a flux capacitor.

So, what drives you?

Tuesday's a folly

'Twas not a perfect day today. Unlike the winning streaks I had last few weeks.

I had neither breakfast nor coffee this morning because I decided to take a blood test today. Well, it's being paid by the company, so why not? It's my first time ever doing this willingly. I asked my friend yesterday would it hurt when they take my blood? She said "No, they'll just prick a finger only-lah". So, okay, no sweat. Sampai la masuk klinik pagi tadi, they gave me a 3 test tubes, each the size of a pinky. I can guess what's coming next. What a rude shock! The nurse pulled out a big syringe and when asked whether this will hurt, she nervously said, "Yes...". Oh, the dread... my arm still feel a little bit numb now and I have chills up my spine everytime I think of the 3 small containers filled with dark, red blood. Kadang2 nak pitam pun ada. Paper cuts gives the same effect too. Okay, drama.. but this is one of my weaknesses, the sight of my own blood.

Mr Burns II was not really helpful and was totaly a unrelevant to any of our grunts. Spent the first 20 mins trying to rationalise and give reasons on how not to lose out and why not to burden people to do a job requires 2 persons to do it to only one person (read: me). In the last 25 mins, everything else went out of the window... and at the end still no conclusions, no solutions.

The last thing was the worst. Spent the rest of the day trying to measure one simple circuit and did not get the expected results. Tried to figure out what was the problem, a lot of smoke, fumes and frustrations were involved. Only to find out that I used the wrong inductors. Ceh.. and I've totalled 2 boards already. This kind of dumb mistake levels down to basic knowledge... reading the label before you do anything.

The last part comes down to a conclusion that, doing practical work with management level frustrations really clouds the thinking head.

LOL.
 

monday is okay

monday is really not a bad day for me...
because every monday morning there's a group meeting that will last until lunch time.
and by the time we come back from lunch, ding-dong-ding-dong, it's already tea break time. By the time we get back to our desk, do some work, and oh, it's time to go back already.

Not a bad Monday to start the week.

But that is... until you have a monkey driving the bus. It will drive you round and round until you go bananas.

Mr Burns II is killing me.

Monday blues

Ugghh... of all the Mondays there is, I particularly dislike this week's Monday.
I just got to know that I'll be getting more workload until the end of the year.
More time for work. No more time for myself.

The week's just started and I'm already depressed.
Thank you boss.

Improvement: Presentation Skills

I like to go for trainings. Few reasons to it:-

• Excused from being cubiclised for 12-13 hours.
• Good food buffet style, 3 times a day.
• It is entertaining most of the time (the non-technical ones lah).
  

Last week, it was Effective Presentation Skill and the instructor, Saw-san (hait!) is a very enthusiastic person. He even made me laugh till teardrops came out from my eyes with his funny takes on Engrish jokes.

The two day started with one person from each group do a presentation and analyse what we did wrong afterwards. Only after that we went through all the Do's & Don't, Tips & Tricks and the 10 Commanments of preparing and doing the presentation.

Still remember that heavy lightbox that the teacher makes you carry to the class room and you had to squint your eyes to copy the notes shone on the wall? We have passed the OHP decade. One of the best OHP moment was when the bulb burnt out and there's no spare. Bye-bye class, see you next week, said the teacher. Or the worst case scenario was, the teacher Mr Doraemon made every kid in class to read a paragraph or two in front of the class while the rest copies the notes being rote.

At work, I do slideshow presentation almost weekly. It's a hassle. But it beats writing report. Now I can do animations to impress the bosses. But then, the plan could backfire and make the bosses thinks I have a lot of free time to do all those animations.

Last notes on presentation, boys and girls, ensure your font size is big, have less words and enhance your pictures. You know you have nailed all the skill set when you are as good as this guy:-