2016 Round Up

I’ve started drawing mind maps for new year resolutions for the past couple of years. I don’t know whether helped me achieve more goals or not, but it helps to serve as a checklist whenever I look at it once every few months or so just to see how I’m doing.

So, shall we see how I did?

Goal 1 (Self):

1. I didn’t manage to do 2 tafseers this year. Only did Yaseen during Ramadan. I hope it had quality. I was being brought up with Islam being a cultural thing, where we read the Yaseen when someone is on their death bed and when visiting graves. Before this, I associated Yaseen with sadness. However, learning about the this surah is eye opening. It reaffirms the faith of the dying (and the living), it tells us about how beautiful heaven is, so you don’t have to be sad when parting this world. This is only a small portion of an overview of the tafseer (from my understanding).
2. Easing away from social media in this day and age is very challenging. I think we are all addicts. Or maybe just lonely souls trying to find a kindred spirit in the virtual space. I do find it overwhelming sometimes when I get on Facebook and Twitter. Even more so when I read comments on public pages where people argue with each other over stupid things. I don’t know why I read them. I took it to my own self to take one week away from social media (Facebook, Twitter and Instagram) for every month. And on my birthday month, I decided to take a month off. It gives me a short time of peace and quiet, time to focus on things that I think I should be doing, like reading books, doing actual research and do some soul searching. I think i will continue this effort next year.
3. Hahaha.. mimpi lah kau 53 kg. Pfft… okay, but I did manage to go to the gym more this year and also made it almost compulsory to attend the Aerobics class every Wednesday. And at one time, became a regular at our neighbourhood hiking trail. So maybe I didn't shed down to 53kg, but I am living a healthy lifestyle. At least.
4. Speed Reading.. nope. I think I still read about 400 wpm. No improvements, but I could speed it up when I read articles online. I am using Spreeder.
5. Nope. No Macbook Air. Those things are soooo 2012…. I got a better one instead. Macbook with no Air :P and it is Rose Gold in colour. If only I had known how easy it is for a PC user to get used to a Mac, I would have done it earlier. love should be easy like this.
6. It’s challenging to be disciplined for this one. I will try again next year to spend 1 hour doing something that will better myself.

Goal 2 (Family):

1. Being kind and patient towards parents is a continuous work in progress. I sometimes catch myself being rude and hasty with them, which makes me feel very guilty and sad for myself. Tak senang nak jadi anak yang solehah.
2. Ini pun sama. I try to make it a point to help mum in the kitchen and with her stuff around the house. But sometimes I let her do it in the pretence of letting her do some exercise. Boleh ke?
3. Ok all the goals here are work in progress. Jangan berkira sangat dengan adik beradik.
4. Same as the above. Although sometimes tak boleh tahan dengan perangai, but blood is thicker than water.
5. I’m trying hard. Sarcasm is embedded in me. That's how I cope with annoyance. But let's try harder next year.

Goal 3 (Work):

1. There is a story behind this goal setting. It was about a year ago, I accidentally did something that I can’t reveal here and when I realised it, it’s too late to retract my actions, so I pray to God that no one took advantage of it and cause any massive damage.
2. Jangan malu bertanya dengan senior atau boss kalau tak tau. Biarlah kau rasa macam bimbo, asalkan kau tak syok sendiri buat benda yang salah.
3. Multi-tasking takes away your focus. I now write down the tasks on a sticky pad and continue doing multi tasking and once in a while glance back to that note to see if I missed anything. Tapi it's hard not to do any other things when you're running simulations that lasts for days. I read a lot of articles online on a variety of subjects, but I know I should be doing research on my engineering work.
4. I learn to help without hoping for anything in return. And sometime, go some extent further in helping other people with their job.
5. This is a lost cause.

Goal 4 (Social):

1. I try to do volunteer work whenever I think I can. Although I think I should do more. Help students with their school fees. Try to give to the masjid donation boxes whenever I stopped by any masjid to pray. Give to verified charity organisations and tahfiz schools.
2. “Be open hearted”, I know that is not a correct phrase. What I meant was -> buka lah hati lebih sedikit. And be kind hearted. Everyone is fighting some kind of battle, physically or spiritually. Kita tak tau sebab apa orang tu macam tu, everybody deserves a second chance. Dulu aku macam strict, one strike and out. I’m trying to be more lenient and more patient with people.
3. Get to know people better and with good intentions. This particular item stems about this one person whom (ok mengumpat pulak, tapi korang tak tau dia sapa) i just met last year. At first he seems like a nice and friendly person, until all hell leashes out. Rupanya dia ni parasit dan hanya berkawan utk keuntungan dia sahaja. So I decided not to be like that person.
4. Turn up and be present. This basically means, when invited to a gathering, i have to make my best effort to attend if possible and not give any lame excuses and when I am there, no playing with the phone. Be there in the present company and pay attention. So this year, I have made it to a few gatherings, but I’ve also skipped a few.

My #bestnine in 2016. Krabi made it to the top. Melbourne didn't. Pokemon also made the year. Gambar almari dlm masjid. Social unity and two selfies.

A photo posted by Dyanنa (@dyanna299) on Dec 8, 2016 at 3:00am PST

So that is 2016 summed up based on my January goals. Let’s move on to 2017.

The "Before..." Trilogy

I spent the last long weekend watching Rich Linklater's trilogy - Before Sunrise, Before Sunset & Before Midnight (or what I call it The Before ... Trilogy). And I loved it, regardless of what the people who wrote a 1 star rating about it in IMDB. It's a love story.

In a nutshell, it's a story about two people connecting with each other. They just talk. About everything and about nothing. In all 3 movies, they talk, that spans about 1.5hrs per movie. No fighting bad guys, no epic journeys, no robots or monsters or ghosts. Just two people talking.
(Yup, my review is as shitty as those people who gave it 1 star, but I'm rating it 4 stars)

Have you ever been in an engaging conversation with someone you just met and you enjoy each other's company that both of you don't want that meeting to end? The first movie is about that.

Then they parted ways, but agreed to meet again after 6 months without exchanging any contact information and leaving it to chance. Of course, they didn't. However, they met again after 9 years and spend the rest of the afternoon talking again from where they left off. And that's the second movie.

In the last movie, it's after another 9 years where they're now together and this last one is a bit more serious where it elaborates the complexities of a relationship.

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Side note: Seeing Ethan Hawke in 1995 is a sight for sore eyes. However, I think he didn't aged gracefully because 9 years later, he looks worse and 18 years later is like he's off a cliff. Well, I think it proves that good looks doesn't last forever. Julie Delpy on the otherhand, ages like wine, better with age (not that I know how wine taste like).
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 In my opinion, what makes this movie about two people conversing with each other INTERESTING is that female character, Celine has her own thoughts and opinions. The male character, Jesse, is not intimidated by her intellectuality and does not condescend her. And both have fascinating conversations.

It is akin to meeting your girlfriends over some drinks. You can sit at the coffee shop for hours and have no shortage of topics to talk about. It did strike an interesting thought that if the male character was swapped with another woman, it'll be a story about two girls having never ending chit chat. Mungkinkah si lelaki ni bersifat seperti wanita? Sebab it is rare to find guys who's like the male character. Yg tak pandang rendah pada wanita dan try to shut down all her thoughts and opinions because he thinks he's better than her in all and every aspects.

Different from the 'commercial movies' ways, the female character is not hypersexualised like they usually are in most movies.

I guess another point of interest that holds the movie together is the subtle sexual tension that exists between the two throughout the whole movie. This movie is like watching two people flirting with each other for 2 hours! hahaha...

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In our lives, we'll meet many people, some of them you only meet just once in a lifetime. For one reason or another, that chance encounter is one we'll remember for the rest of our lives.

That one person you met when you and your girlfriends are out on a holiday trip in another city. A small talk with a stranger at the hotel lobby while waiting for your friends to get ready upstairs, although just kill the waiting time and a bit awkward at first but leads to some interesting knowledge that we have a friend in common. What a small world.

It would have been a passing thing if not for a coincidence that we share the same flight back home. Made way to greet the new friend, who is now a familiar face in a strange city. We talked about general things and stuff that interests us. Went about the airport shops commenting on how lousy and expensive the selections are. A stranger now has slowly transformed into a new friend. Allowing another person to come into your space and enjoy that person's company for a short while because somehow there is a connection.

Upon landing when the journey ends, said goodbye to each other, but secretly wishing that this meeting go on. And then spending the rest of your remaining lifetime questioning your life decisions.

I think this clip sums it up perfectly well. No subtitles, but it's from DDLJ.

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i realise that I was only talking about the first instalment of the the trilogy; Before Sunrise and then went on rambling about something else. But trust me, if you liked the first one, you'll love the rest.

These movies, it not for everyone. It is an acquired taste. So... yeah.

Q1

Hi,

It has been the longest time ever since I last posted anything here. I used to update this blog a few times a week, every week, then it slowly becomes once a week, then once a month, once every couple of months... 

Sounds like I'm describing old married couples here. Huh?

Anyways, updating this blog has always been burning in the back of my mind. The big question is, "What to write?". Most of the time, after the postgrad episode, my life is pretty much drama-free.. There are some interesting events that might pique people's interests, but it's quite personal to share. No one wants to listen or read my opinions on the political situations here. I can give you 2.6 billion reasons for neglecting this blog. But I better not.

To get back into the habit of blogging, i think I'll just pick some questions from a list and write the answers.

To kick off; let me answer a random question:

Who would you want as a dinner guest; given the choice of anyone in the world?

A: Given the circumstances at the moment, I really want to have dinner with my great, great grandfather, Tok Ayah Hj Hassan.

Why?

At this very moment, about 30 of my relatives (cousins and 2nd cousins) are overseas in Indonesia visiting the birthplace of my Great Grandad (GG).

Here is the story.

My GG left his hometown in Lampung, Indonesia when he was 16. He left everything behind. Leaving the village, I assume is quite normal back then. However the mystery is, why did he leave? Whenever his children (grandma and grand uncle) asked him about this, he refuses to answer. No one knows. There are a couple of stories that goes about saying that he had a disagreement with the family, while another story is that there was a tsunami and he was the only survivor. So he left, took a boat to Kelantan.

I would love to have dinner with him and ask him myself, what happened. Probably asked some other questions like; have you studied under Tok Kenali? Why did you stay in Golok instead of KB? How did you meet and married my great grandmother? How long was the sea travel? So many questions....

This heart is heavy

It is an extremely overwhelming day for me. Prior to driving down to that place, I have anticipated that the meet up would consume both my time and emotion, therefore i decided to clear out my schedule.

I partly expected that she will no longer be in the hospital. Even my friends who worked there didn't have the latest update. I started at University Hospital. Went to the last known ward, and indeed the nurse told me she was discharged a couple of days ago. They didn't kept her the family's phone number.

A dead end. But I told myself that no matter what happens, I will find her. I did not came all the way just to turn back without any outcome. An idea came, try asking Pn Azizah. I hope she still uses her old landline. The old phone number that I called her last back in 2005. Who uses landlines nowadays? It rang for the longest time ever, and then someone picks the receiver up. She does! She's still in her old house, using her old landline number. "Setia" she told me.

God works His plan in mysterious ways.

I got the house address. Went there twice. The first time, I realised came empty handed, which is quite embrassing to me. I turned around and went to the nearest store to get some fruits, at least for the family. When I returned back, there were more cars than before at her home and then there were a group of ladies wearing white and baju kurung clothing walking into the house. That made me really nervous. Oh no...I hope i'm not too late.

Turned out that I wasn't. I was just in time with her old colleagues, who happen to be just visiting, like the hundreds of others who came to visit her in the passt few weeks.

Seeing her lying there very sickly and weakly on the bed just breaks my heart. She's sleeping quietly, but I doubt it is a peaceful sleep, the sedative helps to alleviate the pain. All that plump of a woman that she was has now been reduced to skin and bones, the glow of her skin that was once there is now gone and it is difficult to find that familiar friendly smile on her face. It is a sight that you don't want your loved ones, your friends or the people that you care about, to be in.

Seems like she's been drifting in and out of conciousness. She was responsive when I held her hand and spoke to her. She tried to open her eyes. I don't know if she recognised me when she saw a glimpse of me.

But one thing that i think was magical was when her old friend spoke to her, her legs were moving. And then suddenly she raised her arm, brought her hand to her face and it seemed like she tried to wipe the tears from her eyes. That was quite powerful moment that gave me hope that she's strong enough to get through this ordeal.

I wrote her a hopeful message and left two pictures of us with friends, in hopes that when wakes up and fully aware, she'll be able to look at those pictures and be reminded that she's always in the company the people that loves her so much.

Thank you Miss Loh for being a great teacher, mentor and friend. I am glad and rest assured that you are well loved and is well surrounded and well taken care of by family and friends who loves you so much. I have witnessed today that by being a good and caring person that you are, you are receiving a lot of love and prayers from all over the world from the people that cares from you. You get back what you give. And you gave a lot of goodness to others. Kindness is a beautiful gift that keeps on giving.

I wish you well.



Photos are circa 1999-2001 in KMB.

A photo after Trem Bernama Desire play that we directed and starred ourselves.



A class photo.

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Location:Pesara Mahsuri,Pulau Jerejak,Malaysia

Ending of Things

Quite a number of things that came to an end on Monday.

1. Finished reading "Quiet" by Susan Cain.

Reading this book is almost like reading a scientific study of myself. It kind of explains a lot about myself of the things that I wasn't sure of prior to reading this book.
There is no shame in being socially awkward or the silent observer at a party, or disliking banal chit chat. It is okay to be different and it is important to be true to yourself. Because if you're an introvert trying to be an extrovert, at the end of the day, you'll be unproductive and exhausted (mentally and physically and emotionally).
This book says that being an introvert is not a weakness. Embrace the introvert in you. If this book is anything, it has reinforced my belief that I am an introvert.

2. Finished watching the final episode of Breaking Bad's series finale.

That. Was. The. Best. Series. Ending. That I have never seen in a long time. Like OMG.
Vince Gilligan (Creator) and the writers of Breaking Bad are geniuses. OK, maybe Season 2 was a bit of a snoozefest, but it builds up in the following Seasons 3,4,5.
Following the 'adventures' of Walter White was like riding a rollercoaster. I liked and pitied him in the first season, laughed at his 'newbie-ness' and also his briliance in the second and following seasons. Finally hating him in the fifth, and ended up liking him, cried and felt sorry for him in the final episode. There is an obvious character transformation going-on. And I could say the same for Jesse. He starts from being this douchebag, and only to realise after episodes later that he's like an onion. One layer upon another layer. and everytime he breaks free from Mr White, I secretly hope that he won't go back to his old ways again (but we know he will).
Although the truth of life is that all things must come to an end, including good tv series like Breaking Bad, I am glad that it ended the way that it did.
Yeah, bitch! (this is tv reference Jesse Pinkman, if you don't watch BB).

3. Ryan Giggs has announced retirement.

Ada macam ala2 Johnny Depp sikit kan? Good enough for 15 year old me back then.

The longest serving player, in my mind-lah. Everytime I read the sports section and see a pictures of Giggsy, I often find asking myself, he's still playing on the field?
I am not a big fan of Manchester United, but I was once. Back when I was 15 years old. It wasn't that I really liked football per-se (sorry football fans), I only 'liked' it because I wanted to be 'in' with the gang. Liking football in an all-girls high-school seemed to me like a unique thing to be at that time. It didn't made me popular at school, but it did helped me have a conversation (more like -oh hensemnya Ryan Giggs (that 15 years younger Giggs)) with my friends. Kalau tak, takde benda nak sembang.
So yeah, Ryan Giggs helped my made friends in high school.


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Sitting for exams is likemgoing to war

At this point of time, almost all 17 year olds are sitting for their SPM exams, including my baby sister. I wish her all the best and I pray that she will succeed with flying colours. I know she worked hard preparing for the exams since January, so I hope all her efforts and hard work will be paid off handsomely.

I remember my SPM exams. The exams weren't that hard, the tough part was preparation. Being in an MRSM didn't make studying any easier. Everyone's a genius, but if you're not, you have to work hard to be one.

Exams are part of a student's life, like it or not, everyone has to sit down for one. Looking back at my many years of examination experiences, here's some of my advise or points:

1) Preparing for the exams is like preparing for war. You need to strategise. Five or four months before the big exams, I'd lay down a study plan and draw up a chart of all the subjects and sub topics that needs to be covered. Paste the plan on a wall and strike them out once I covered them. That way I know How is my progress and whether I need to speed up my studying pace or not.

2) Read text books first. Write notes based on text books. Then read the Reference books (buku rujukan). Write notes based on Reference books. Then cross reference both books and notes to make a summarised notes. Yeah, crazy, coz I don't have a good memory I need to go through a subject over and over again to get it tattooed in my brain. Made sure I'd write colourful notes on flashcards. My favorite thing is writing on an A4 paper folded four times so it'll look like a little book. That works for History, Biology, Chemistry, Agama, etc.

3) For subjects that requires a lot of calculation requires a lot of exercise practise. And I mean A LOT. Maths and Physics, I can't just memorise the formulas, I had to do all the long divisions and stadard deviations and integrations, a thousand times if I must, just to get the concepts in my head.

4) Find the best time to study. My most productive time to study is at late, until the wee hours of morning. Find a good place to study. I had found a secret/quiet place to study where no one could find and bother me and thank God I didn't have to share it with anyone else. Perfect solace. Find a study partner who's committed to the study plan. This is sometimes hard to find, but there's at least one person who agrees with your study plans doesn't think it's stupid or too much work or too impossible to achieve. And normally that friend is another hardworking person like you.

How do you study for your exams?



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